Semper Ad Meliora
by thepageishere18
Summary: Merlyn just wanted to live. Why then did the cost bother her so much? An alternate ending to "Rebirth".


_Semper Ad Meliora_ – always towards better things

Street lamps buzzed and flickered as the heat zapped the lighting bugs. Cars sped by and the distance rumble of thunder sounded. The humidity caused Merlyn's clothes to stick on her back. Despite the heat, she shivered and hugged her arms. Everything's okay now that she is alive. Crossing the street she thought about how she ended up in this position.

The night surrounded the bridge that Lucas and she stood on. Pitch black darkness loomed below and above her. Only the streetlamp above provided any light.

"There's another way. A way that we all can get what we want," said Lucas.

"How? Caleb will hate me the moment the baby dies. I can't live with that." She backed away from him. His very presence disgusted her.

"It's just a soul, a soul that can be shared between two innocent beings." Lucas continued to match her step for step. His large ones overtook her smaller ones.

A cool breeze brushed her hair as she considered Lucas's offer. A life for her and a life for the baby.

"It's simple," he explained, "We'll divide that soul, fading as we speak, into two parts. One for you. One for Christy's baby." He looked her in the eyes and saw her desire to live.

A win-win for all thought Merlyn, for her, for Christy and regrettably Lucas. Caleb's favor for Lucas will increase after this, but she'll be there to guide him to salvation. "And what do you want from me. The dead don't have anything."

Lucas crowded her until he stopped arm's length away. He brushed a strand of her hair aside. Her breath quickened at his nearness. "You're a young woman. You've barely been touched. Unspoiled."

Merlyn cringed as his words sunk in. She wanted him to say it. "What do you mean?"

He cupped her cheek and let his fingers trail down. "I want you, your body, your virginity. You are a virgin , right? Ray wasn't man enough to deflower you, was he?"

She wished he had. "Yes, I'm a virgin," she nodded. A surreal cry echoed in the night. Christy! What was her virginity compared to her life? It was the only thing she had of value and Lucas wanted it. "I'll do it."

"You mean it, Merly Ann? There's no take back." His hand rested on her shoulder. He looked into her eyes sincere and clear as a summer sky.

The cries increased in Merlyn's head. "Yes, just do it," she begged.

Without another word Lucas pulled her to him and kissed her. The panic in her mind barely registered Lucas's lips on hers.

After tasting her sweet lips Lucas stepped back and started reciting the spell. The wind picked up and the street lights flickered and popped. A bright glow crept under Merlyn's skin warming her. And then something snapped inside her. She yelled out as Lucas continued the ritual collapsing in his arms trembling. Holding her like a child he spoke the last words. The glow faded from Merlyn and soon her breathing steadied and she rested for a moment with eyes closed.

Lucas shifted amazed that Merlyn trusted him in her weak and desperate state.

She opened her eyes. Wide-eyed she looked around. Stars sparkled in the sky, the bridge cast a shadow over her, and Lucas held her upright. Breathing in the night air Merlyn appreciated nature and all its wonders. Wonders she can now experience fully. But did Lucas keep his promise?

She breathed in and removed herself for Lucas's hold. "I want proof."

"Don't you trust me, Merly Ann?" Unready to give her up, he held out hand and reached for her.

"No." Merlyn retreated with arms crossed.

"What if I lied? What are you going to do?"

"I'll tell Caleb," she threatened.

"He'll still blame you." Lucas walked over to the bike, climbed on and motioned Merlyn to sit behind him. "I'll take you to the baby."

Merlyn climbed on and allowed Lucas to whisk her away. Down the road went Merlyn, experiencing the wind blowing in her face, the vibrations beneath her and the smell of gasoline and Lucas's cologne. Her grip tightened as Lucas rounded a corner. Despite her present company Merlyn allowed herself a smile. She was alive.

* * *

Merlyn reached her destination. After double checking the room number she knocked. Lucas opened the door with his shirt partially unbuttoned. She entered without a sound.

"You came," he said shutting the door and sealing her fate.

"Yes." She studied the room with her eyes finding the bed first, the very thing she tried to avoid. She started sweating. Her jacket was too warm. She unbuttoned it and Lucas pulled it off from behind like a gentleman. He laid it on the dresser next to a bottle of wine and two glasses.

Lucas opened the bottle and poured two drinks. He held one out for Merlyn. "Take it. It will help you relax." He was going easy on her.

Merlyn refused. She promised herself to never touch what destroyed her daddy. Lucas placed the glass in her hand anyway before sitting on the bed. He patted the comforter next to him.

The bed sank down as she sat beside him. Lucas worked on unbuttoning the rest of his shirt. Trying to avoid the inevitable she took a sip. Her mouth puckered when the bitter liquid wetted her mouth. She put the glass on the floor.

Lucas sipped his wine and then set the glass down on the bedside table. "Feeling better?"

Merlyn nodded. Lucas leaned over and kissed her neck. His hot mouth warmed her, while a hand brushed her backside, her legs and breasts. If felt strangely good. An involuntary moan escaped her lips.

Lucas chuckled. "See, I'm not such a bad man. I can make you feel good." Lucas went back to kissing her. Pushing her down, he kissed her lips. A hand slid under her top and pushed her shirt up exposing her stomach. Shivers ran down her spine as the cool air touched her stomach.

A sudden urge to cover up came over her. She broke the kiss, pushed Lucas away and jumped off the bed. "I can't do this."

Unsurprised with the rejection Lucas sipped his wine. He expected this. She's been afraid of him her whole life. He wanted her to stop seeing him as a monster. He stood up and approached her. "You will," he said.

She looked at him with fear in her eyes. She readied herself for the worse. Backing away further she hit the wall. Lucas was between her and the door. Crying for help was futile. No one would believe her.

He approached until he trapped her between the wall and him. Her hands landed on his bare, hairy chest trying to keep distance between them. Her breath quickened. He lifted her chin to look her in the eyes. "You don't want to end up like your mother, do you? Because I will see to it that our contract is fulfilled, no matter what you do."

Merlyn trembled and whimpered. Frustrated, Lucas decided to give her one more chance. He kissed her hard on the lips. She froze, but she did not push him away either. He needed to make her melt. He moved from her lips to her cheek, tasting the saltiness of her tears. He nipped her ear causing her to jump.

"Look, I'll be gentle if you are willing," he whispered in her ear.

Merlyn relaxed slightly in his hands.

"Go wipe off your make-up," he ordered. "You look like a whore."

The last comment irked her. "I'm not a whore," she said even though she felt like one.

"I know you're not. Go clean up. I'm not going to wait long." He released her.

Taking advantage of his order Merlyn hurried to the bathroom. She looked around for an escape in the windowless room. Nothing. Resigning to her fate Merlyn looked in the mirror to see two black streaks running down her face. No wonder he wanted her to clean up. She was a mess and not up to his standards. The water steamed as she removed every inch of make-up with a washcloth.

Lucas knocked on the door. "Merlyn, my patience is growing thin."

It was time. The door opened and Merlyn stepped out with a fresh face, free of tears. She's a beauty, thought Lucas as he offered her the abandoned glass of wine. This time Merlyn took it and downed it all without reservation. Her head spun and through the buzz she heard Lucas ask if she was ready. She was.

Gently he took her just like he promised.

And after a time he finished.

With the contract fulfilled, Merlyn laid naked on the bed thinking about her actions. She laid down with her mother's rapist and murderer. He allowed her pleasure and she enjoyed it. Silent tears ran down her face. The words filth, dirt and traitor came to mind. She buried her head in the pillow in shame. She just wanted to live. Why did the cost bother her so much?

Lucas leaned over her. "Ready for another round? It's a freebie."

Merlyn shook her head no and turned away from him. The bed shifted as Lucas left it. She heard the bathroom door close and the faucet turn. Running water echoed in the pipes; she heard him taking a shower. She needed a shower to wash away her filth. She tried to forget the images and sensations from the night. She could not. The water turned off and Lucas walked back in. He talked to her as he dressed.

He pulled on his pants. "You did good, darling. Grown men have tried to back out of deals, but not you. To be honest, I expected more resistance. You learn quickly." He buttoned his wrinkled shirt and tucked it in.

Merlyn listened silently with all comebacks and rebuttals escaping her. She sighed in relief when she heard him zip his pants. Lucas was officially done with her. He walked around to her side.

He sat down next to her pulling on his shoes. She moved away. "Listen, you can stay here until check out. I hope you realize that the terms of our deal are strictly confidential. No talking to ghosts or priests or anyone else. We don't want Gail or Caleb getting wind of this and I don't just mean tonight."

"I get it," she said.

"Good." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Until next time, darling."

Lucas walked out into the early morning leaving her to dwell on her guilt.

* * *

Merlyn and Lucas arrived at the hospital sooner than she would've liked. She feared walking through those doors and hearing Christy lost the baby. She inhaled. What was done was done. Lucas grabbed her hand as she got off the bike.

"One week, I give you one," he said seriously. He named the time and place. "And don't you even think about giving away what you promised. If you do, I will know. And trust me, there will be consequences."

"You're going to kill me again."

"You will wish I did."

"I understand." She pulled her hand away and hurried up the steps.

Lucas watched her go in the door. He smiled. "I know you do. Keep it up, Merlyn, and you and I will get along just fine."

Caleb sat waiting with Gail. Christy's baby survived. His sister didn't. Even though he knew Merlyn made the right choice, he couldn't help feeling bitter. Merlyn was right. It wasn't fair that they were cheated out of a life of family and laughter. Gail held him close.

"What's going on?" she asked concerned. Caleb's frantic cries for Christy and the baby confused her. He barely knew Christy.

He shrugged. "Nothing. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess."

"Hey, I know things haven't been easy but I promise you things will get better." She squeezed his shoulder in comfort.

Caleb heard the door opened and something told him to look up. He looked, blinked and looked again. Unbelievable. His sister lived. Merlyn stood there with a smile and arms opened. Things already improved.

"Merlyn," he beamed. He jumped out of the chair, ran over and hugged her. "How?"

"It doesn't matter," she said hugging him and kissing his head.

Caleb frowned.

"I promise I didn't hurt anyone, okay?"

Caleb's frown turned upside down. "You're back for good this time?"

"Yes."

"Good." Gail was right. Already things were getting better and soon they would be perfect.

* * *

AN: Soul splitting inspired by J. 's _Harry Potter_ series


End file.
